Clearing the Cache

As usual, I can see that Darryl has had more time to put fingers to keyboard and write. No, really, that’s not the reason I haven’t written in a while. I have to be in the mood to write, or it is just plain morose, and who wants to read that? I have about half a dozen journals that cover the years between 14 ½ to not long after I got married when I was almost 20. The journal entries since then have been so sporadic that entire decades have gone between them at times. There are two reasons for that. One is pretty basic. As a court reporter, I can write at over 250 wpm. Even when I am just typing on a computer, I write about 114 wpm. And longhand just takes.....soooooo......long....:) But the other reason is that I started collecting a lot of bad memories and didn’t want to write them down. Then when something good happened, I simply didn’t think to write about it. In a way, I really don’t regret not having a record of those bad times.....but I’m sure my kids would enjoy reading what was going on in my mind when they were born and went through the different stages of growing up. Oh, well. One more reason I’m not gonna win the Mother of the Century award, darn it all. Anyway, the past week or so has been pretty hard for me. I've had a lot on my mind, and I definitely didn't want to put THAT in our blog. I want it to go away, and the good news is that it does seem to be.

I did want to take the time, though, to write some thoughts I’ve had these past couple of days. Today is January 21, 2009. Yesterday the 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama, was sworn into office. The feeling in the whole country (well, okay, there are a few “others”) is hopeful for the future. It’s been such a long eight years. I voted for Pres. Bush not once but twice, and I finally had to admit that I was sorely disappointed in what has happened while he’s been in office. I’m sure he’s a good man, and a President can only act on the information he’s given....and I wouldn’t have that job for all the wealth in the world, I can tell you!

As for No. 44, he is biracial, as are many, many people in our country, but because his father was actually African, the African-American population has felt an indescribable joy over seeing in their lifetimes a face in the Oval Office that looks an awful lot like theirs. I am so happy for those who suffered so long ago and have lived to see this happen. I can’t say that I can really know exactly how they feel, but only because I can only look on from the sidelines of life and see their pain. I sincerely hope that I have never been nor ever will be someone who adds to that pain. I’m so grateful that my children have been blessed to have grown up with children of many nationalities and racial backgrounds. I know that each generation in my family has been a little farther away, step by step, from the bigotry of the past, and it gives me such a feeling of pride and joy to know that, to my children, disliking someone for the color of his/her skin is weird.

As I watched the Inauguration, it was hard to miss the First Daughters. They look like a couple of characters, and I can see that there is a lot of love in that little family. And every girl deserves to be her daddy’s princess, and I’m so glad to see that our new President is filling that role quite nicely and unabashedly loving all three of his royal women.

Okay, enough politics. Work has been extremely slow recently, which doesn’t really surprise me, because it’s been the holiday season, followed immediately by the excitement of the Inauguration, which is basically a holiday in the DC/VA area. I just finished my last outstanding transcript today, though I have a short job tomorrow and then another job on Friday. It’s really scary that our financial situation continues to be so shaky. I really wish Darryl could get a job, because ever since I left my job at the court in Fresno, we haven’t had benefits, and it’s been really hard. Plus, being self-employed, we are constantly in a “feast or famine” situation. Right now we’re in a famine. And, of course, I have no idea when work will pick up so we can feast again. ::sigh::

One thing I’ve learned recently is that I simply am not able to please everybody. I’m sure that most people who are reading this (what, are there five of you?) are thinking, “Well, duh!” Okay, so I’m a little slow. No, my point is that I can strive every day to be a good person who loves others and makes the choice to be kind to everyone. I can urge my children to be good people, to do well in school, to be concerned about the world around them. But some people NEED to be in the center of drama. Some people NEED to have someone to blame for the problems in their lives. That one’s always bewildered me, because I know that I am to blame for most of my own problems....maybe *I* should find someone else to blame. It might make my self-esteem improve!

As I watch Lindsay get ready to graduate high school, I can see glimmers of the young woman she will be. She is really maturing, and I have high hopes for her in her future. Lauren is so active, and she can really try my patience, but she, too, is having an occasional glimmer...if we can survive her! LOL She is the most ambitious of all my kids, and I can't wait to see what she'll do with her life. Scott is at the awkward stage....11 years old, too smart for his own good, but he's one to watch. Kristi still amazes me with her compassion at such a young age. She was scolded recently for being rude to her sister, and she came to me later and said she needed to talk to me. She was very concerned, it seems, because she'd noticed that she'd been acting "mean" lately. We had a serious conversation about that, and while she continues to hassle her siblings, she is trying. I don't think it ever occurred to me at the age of 9 that *I* was ever the problem :)

I really enjoy having this blog, but mostly because I like reading what Darryl's thinking. He is my best friend, and he makes me laugh every single day. I'm so glad he saved my life 12 years ago. :)

So, yeah, thanks for hanging in to this point. I hope it hasn't been too painful!!